To: The Athletic Director
From: Your Friendly Yearbook Adviser
re: Sports Coverage, Yearbook 2010-2011
Thanks again for all your support for the Beige and Gray last year. This year we hope to do EVEN BETTER! But, of course, we need your help again!
First, a few apologies:
1. Sorry for placing the lunch ladies in the spot for the Varsity Football team. But, to be fair, the lunch ladies win EVERY DAY, and the 'Battling Beige' Brine Shrimp didn't really set the scoreboard on fire.
2. I'll admit, "Coach Wilson: Still Sober" was a questionable headline. Earning a sobriety chip is a accomplishment, though, and one that should be celebrated! If he ever gets to the point that he earns that elusive 30 day chip, we'll be there to cover it!
3. While I still support our coverage of "Flying Stunts Dangerous To The Cheerleader Fetuses", it might have been a little too graphic.
4. I will always regret my not clarifying the word "shrinkage" when used as a caption under the boys water polo team's group photo. I really thought we were referring to the decrease in the number of players this year, and not the effects of the underheated pool. This year we hope to run with the headline "Boys Water Polo: Back and Bigger Than Ever!" Please advise.
And now for our plans for this year! Thanks for your suggestions.
I would LOVE to have a 'pop up' section for the golf team. Unfortunately, we don't HAVE a golf team. You'll remember we discovered last year that the Golf Team was just a ruse for certain students to earn PE credit. Instead of practice, they just went to Denny's for the Grand Slam and Moons Over My Hammy breakfast.
While I see your point, I don't think referring to the Tennis Team as "fruity" sets the right tone. As the GSA adviser, I think implying the entire tennis team is not straight might be asking for trouble. I'd like to point out, also, that a few non-gay men wear white shorts (but none come to mind at the moment).
Increasing the number of pages for the sports teams is a great idea. I think adding 64 pages to the yearbook for individual portraits of each varisty player may be a tad extreme.
No, we cannot "cut-and-paste" the basketball players into the Staples Center. Nor can we place the superbowl tropy into the hands of the football team. Also, "photoshopping" the students to look "mightier" is a little beyond out technical ability at this time.
It would be undoubtably popular, but a "Ladies of the Locker Room" feaure isn't something I would like to bet my teaching credential on.
Here are a few quick requests:
1. We really do need the first and last names of the students on the team. We need those names to be the official, school record names, and not nicknames. "Stinky", "Big Bird", "Felon", "The Flatulence Kid", "Mr. Bench Rider", etc. are not OK. If the coaches don't know their rosters, maybe a team manager could help?
2. Team Group Photos really are important. This year, we're launching a new program called "We'll only ask you five times!" Specifically, we would like to only have to set up the team group photo no more than five times before we actually get the photo. Our deadlines are very tight, and every deadline is "game day" for us. After the fifth try, we will either use last year's photo or an artist rendering of the team drawn by the kids in the Anime Club.
3. Using photos that a parent shot is very difficult. Generally parents only shoot images of their own player, and having a two-page spread about one player is tough to justify. So, we really DO need to be at the games and on the field.
4. We love to capture the images of the teams after the big win (which, for us, is really any win). However, tradiationally the "we are number one" hand gesture uses the first, or 'pointer' finger, and not the second finger.
5. The girls volleybal team's uniforms are tighter than ever, I think "bootiliscious ballers" might not be well received.
Thanks again for all of your work. I'm looking forward to working together this year to make the best of the Brine Shrimps athletics program!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
To: for Tuesday- The Summer Letter
To: The High School Staff
From: Your Intrepid Principal
re: 2010-2011
Well Howdy Do!
Here's hoping you are having just a great six weeks of summer! (unless you are teaching summer school, then it's just a quick 4 days off- but with proper planning you can cram a lot of vacation into that space!).
While the summer is short, those furlough days will feel great when they pop up every week or so, providing another day of rest sprinkled throughout the year ahead. Why not take these days as a total 'staycation' and turn off all power and water to your house? It's a great way to save! Thoughtful!
There are a few housekeeping chores we need to attend to:
1) yes, class sizes are a little larger this year. We will try to level the classes, as always. However, 'leveling' the classes this year means trying to balance the average weight and size of the students. We can't lower class enrollments, but we can strive to make sure the physical size of the students is as balanced as possible.
2) To avoid that claustrophobic feeling in the over-full classroom, here are a few tips:
a) ask the students to all wear the same color each day- hopefully a light tone or a pastel. While they love wearing black with big puffy coats, maybe a coordinated 'beige' or 'powder blue' day will help. If they all look the same they will blend into a background.
b) Oxygen is vital! Open windows and doors to keep that fresh air circulating! The rooms were designed for 20-30 students; 42 is a burden on the ventilation system. Students, and you, might begin to feel sleepy and disoriented if the oxygen levels drop. Leafy green plants might help. The biology department reminds us that algae on the ocean surface provides most of the earth's oxygen- maybe the mold growing in our ventilation ducts performs the same service?
3) We have lost our psychologist this year due to cut-backs and 'right sizing.' The district has come up with the new program "Comfort through Comfort Food." Send angry or troubled students to the cafeteria for meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
4) Copiers! The rumors are completely unfounded- we will still have the copier in the workroom! However, we do not ave any paper, so please bring your own from home or re-use previous assignments. Our hardworking students seem to be able to read 'between the lines' when it comes to having an English assignment printed over a human-anatomy diagram. Care should be taken, however. Avoid last year's 'dangling participial' embarrassment.
Also, toner is an issue. Teachers who choose may volunteer to "milk the squid" at the aquarium for extra ink.
5) Please use fewer vowels. The district director of finance has heard something about a need to 'buy a vowel.' If you must use vowels, use the letters 'u' and 'y' as these are less expensive than the big name vowels.
6) Use smaller fonts for email.
7) The collective bargaining with the PTA/PTSA has yielded a few changes. The homework center will stay open until midnight, and overnight child care will be added. In turn, the PTA parents will try to use the word 'trusted teacher' instead of 'freeloading tenure monkey' in their daily press releases and letters to the editor in the local paper.
8) Good news! The Right Wing Citizens Brigade has loosened up a little, and we no longer have to stone girls who break the dress code. The new procedure is to line the halls and shout 'harlot' as they walk to class. Teacher attendance is mandatory for this; names will be recorded and shirkers will be reported.
9) Sadly, the Lefty Pinko Parents and Partners Co-op still maintains that "farting noises" are protected speech, so students (but hopefully not the PE staff again this year) making mock flatulence noises cannot be disciplined or asked to stop. However students who are especially adept at these noises should report to the music program, as the metal instruments were reclaimed for recycling money last year and this year we can no longer afford 'wind' for the wind instruments.
10) The foreign language department has been changed. "Foreign" sounds too, well, foreign. We have adopted the new title "So THAT'S what they are saying about me!" The new title resonates with many of us who feel that people who speak other languages only do so make fun of us or cheat us.
11) We have replaced the school's bookkeeper with the word "No"
12) Instead of in-service days, we will be filling in for nurses at the local hospitals and guards at the local youth security facility as they take their furlough days.
The central office has a few reminders:
Because teachers' reputations are under attack again, the district office has informed us that they will no longer be visiting the school sites. District administrators are concerned about being labelled 'teachers' or 'educators', with the accompanying loss of self-esteem and community status. To this end, they will be 're-branding' the central office as a large 'Home Depot.'
If you see a central office employee on our site, approach slowly and don't make any sudden movements. If you run into one off-site, they ask that you pretend to not know them.
Our own district coordinator of curriculum is now to be known as "He Who Brings The Freshest and Dopest New Programs From Places and Consortium We Have Never Heard Of". All programs that show signs of success will be referred to as "Whack" and will be replaced with something untried or something that as shown promise when tried in small rural villages of the third world, or Pittsburgh.
The district guiding principles have been slightly modified with the addition of an asterisk after the phrase "all children can learn." The asterisk denotes a small addition that reads "probably not your student if she or he needs additional resources" and "this in no way constitutes a guarantee that your child will learn."
The district office will now be referred to as the "think tank" to improve the these employees' chances for being hired at the federal level.
We did not qualify for the 'Race To The Top' funds. I realize how devastating this is. We worked very hard on the application, and thought we had an excellent chance. Unfortunately, when the transportation department realized we would have to throw the teachers under the bus to qualify, they raised the issue of damaging the alignment on the buses. Sadly, we did not earn the $342.00 dollars the funds would have brought to the entire school.
Now, a few "do's and dont's" for this year:
Don't: Use expensive DVDs or PowerPoint presentations.
Do: Use sock puppets to get the point across
Don't: Use school facilities for personal needs
Do: Use the bathroom at home only!
Don't: Complain about custodial work
Do: Realize that sweeping and mopping is a cardio activity!
Don't: Overuse the defibrillator
Do: Shout "Boo!" really loudly to try to get the sinus rhythm going again
Don't: Overuse supplies from the supply closet
Do: Avail yourself of the generally unguarded pencils at the golf course!
Finally, I want to take ts opportunity to unveil this year's slogan. Following on the heels of 2008's "Doing More With Less" and last year's "Doing Even More with Even Less", this year we will be "Doing It All With Nothing."
Thanks, and let's all have a great year!
From: Your Intrepid Principal
re: 2010-2011
Well Howdy Do!
Here's hoping you are having just a great six weeks of summer! (unless you are teaching summer school, then it's just a quick 4 days off- but with proper planning you can cram a lot of vacation into that space!).
While the summer is short, those furlough days will feel great when they pop up every week or so, providing another day of rest sprinkled throughout the year ahead. Why not take these days as a total 'staycation' and turn off all power and water to your house? It's a great way to save! Thoughtful!
There are a few housekeeping chores we need to attend to:
1) yes, class sizes are a little larger this year. We will try to level the classes, as always. However, 'leveling' the classes this year means trying to balance the average weight and size of the students. We can't lower class enrollments, but we can strive to make sure the physical size of the students is as balanced as possible.
2) To avoid that claustrophobic feeling in the over-full classroom, here are a few tips:
a) ask the students to all wear the same color each day- hopefully a light tone or a pastel. While they love wearing black with big puffy coats, maybe a coordinated 'beige' or 'powder blue' day will help. If they all look the same they will blend into a background.
b) Oxygen is vital! Open windows and doors to keep that fresh air circulating! The rooms were designed for 20-30 students; 42 is a burden on the ventilation system. Students, and you, might begin to feel sleepy and disoriented if the oxygen levels drop. Leafy green plants might help. The biology department reminds us that algae on the ocean surface provides most of the earth's oxygen- maybe the mold growing in our ventilation ducts performs the same service?
3) We have lost our psychologist this year due to cut-backs and 'right sizing.' The district has come up with the new program "Comfort through Comfort Food." Send angry or troubled students to the cafeteria for meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
4) Copiers! The rumors are completely unfounded- we will still have the copier in the workroom! However, we do not ave any paper, so please bring your own from home or re-use previous assignments. Our hardworking students seem to be able to read 'between the lines' when it comes to having an English assignment printed over a human-anatomy diagram. Care should be taken, however. Avoid last year's 'dangling participial' embarrassment.
Also, toner is an issue. Teachers who choose may volunteer to "milk the squid" at the aquarium for extra ink.
5) Please use fewer vowels. The district director of finance has heard something about a need to 'buy a vowel.' If you must use vowels, use the letters 'u' and 'y' as these are less expensive than the big name vowels.
6) Use smaller fonts for email.
7) The collective bargaining with the PTA/PTSA has yielded a few changes. The homework center will stay open until midnight, and overnight child care will be added. In turn, the PTA parents will try to use the word 'trusted teacher' instead of 'freeloading tenure monkey' in their daily press releases and letters to the editor in the local paper.
8) Good news! The Right Wing Citizens Brigade has loosened up a little, and we no longer have to stone girls who break the dress code. The new procedure is to line the halls and shout 'harlot' as they walk to class. Teacher attendance is mandatory for this; names will be recorded and shirkers will be reported.
9) Sadly, the Lefty Pinko Parents and Partners Co-op still maintains that "farting noises" are protected speech, so students (but hopefully not the PE staff again this year) making mock flatulence noises cannot be disciplined or asked to stop. However students who are especially adept at these noises should report to the music program, as the metal instruments were reclaimed for recycling money last year and this year we can no longer afford 'wind' for the wind instruments.
10) The foreign language department has been changed. "Foreign" sounds too, well, foreign. We have adopted the new title "So THAT'S what they are saying about me!" The new title resonates with many of us who feel that people who speak other languages only do so make fun of us or cheat us.
11) We have replaced the school's bookkeeper with the word "No"
12) Instead of in-service days, we will be filling in for nurses at the local hospitals and guards at the local youth security facility as they take their furlough days.
The central office has a few reminders:
Because teachers' reputations are under attack again, the district office has informed us that they will no longer be visiting the school sites. District administrators are concerned about being labelled 'teachers' or 'educators', with the accompanying loss of self-esteem and community status. To this end, they will be 're-branding' the central office as a large 'Home Depot.'
If you see a central office employee on our site, approach slowly and don't make any sudden movements. If you run into one off-site, they ask that you pretend to not know them.
Our own district coordinator of curriculum is now to be known as "He Who Brings The Freshest and Dopest New Programs From Places and Consortium We Have Never Heard Of". All programs that show signs of success will be referred to as "Whack" and will be replaced with something untried or something that as shown promise when tried in small rural villages of the third world, or Pittsburgh.
The district guiding principles have been slightly modified with the addition of an asterisk after the phrase "all children can learn." The asterisk denotes a small addition that reads "probably not your student if she or he needs additional resources" and "this in no way constitutes a guarantee that your child will learn."
The district office will now be referred to as the "think tank" to improve the these employees' chances for being hired at the federal level.
We did not qualify for the 'Race To The Top' funds. I realize how devastating this is. We worked very hard on the application, and thought we had an excellent chance. Unfortunately, when the transportation department realized we would have to throw the teachers under the bus to qualify, they raised the issue of damaging the alignment on the buses. Sadly, we did not earn the $342.00 dollars the funds would have brought to the entire school.
Now, a few "do's and dont's" for this year:
Don't: Use expensive DVDs or PowerPoint presentations.
Do: Use sock puppets to get the point across
Don't: Use school facilities for personal needs
Do: Use the bathroom at home only!
Don't: Complain about custodial work
Do: Realize that sweeping and mopping is a cardio activity!
Don't: Overuse the defibrillator
Do: Shout "Boo!" really loudly to try to get the sinus rhythm going again
Don't: Overuse supplies from the supply closet
Do: Avail yourself of the generally unguarded pencils at the golf course!
Finally, I want to take ts opportunity to unveil this year's slogan. Following on the heels of 2008's "Doing More With Less" and last year's "Doing Even More with Even Less", this year we will be "Doing It All With Nothing."
Thanks, and let's all have a great year!
Monday- July 5: Made It
Whew.
Drugged dogs, glasses of wine, fewer fireworks.
Not the best of nights, still tense, but much better than just a year ago.
Dogs recovered, Hoovie running around like his frisky, bouncy self.
Whew.
Drugged dogs, glasses of wine, fewer fireworks.
Not the best of nights, still tense, but much better than just a year ago.
Dogs recovered, Hoovie running around like his frisky, bouncy self.
Whew.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Sunday- The Challenge of the Independent
New Laptop, new kyboard. Please be patient.
Seems the 'e' goes missing a little. Odd.
We'll just have to see if they can add this laptop to the school network. Seems anything past Windows 95 is suspicious, anything with all these 'bits'-- 64? too many!
But for now, the larger screen is nice, the better sound likewise. The new keyboard, though. A struggle. The O and the E are not playing along. Actually, all the vowels seem shy. Hmm.
But back to the point: My Liberal Dilemma. So, maybe it's Dilemma Sundays?
Today is July Fourth. OK, I really don't like most holidays (don't get me started on Christmas), but I used to like the 4th. In recent years, Rob and I took my mom to the fireworks in town, saw the whole town out there, enjoying the gentle weather (yay California!) and then watching the super patriotic display of the fireworks. Remember, as a Veteran, I pretty much love patriotic displays, as long as it's an 'all of us inclusive' kind of thing. That's the liberal in me coming through, though.
There is a carve out to my patriotism: the song "Proud to be an American." This could be the worst song ever. "Ain't no doubt"? Really. But I digress.
Back to the point. Last year, after the big show, we returned and began calming all three dogs. A challenge. Whoopi, 14 and pretty deaf, sails through. She generally doesn't wake up; sleeps through it all. The well earned rest of the aged.
Hoover, the young dog (four, acts like he's four months), goes predictably crazy. Shakes. Moans. Wails. Hides. Tears around the house like his tail is on fire. Then repeats all of this in three minute cycles. Sigh. CJ (about a year older than Hoovie) follows his lead.
This makes today about the worst day to be a dog. Especially in this neighborhood.
Now, I love this neighborhood- the cheap side of town, high density, low prices, great ocean breezes and even better burritos. Except tonight. It becomes fireworks central. Illegal; fire-danger providing; dog-terrifying; favorite of drunken dads, uncles and grandfathers fireworks. I guess if you drive a few miles inland there is a pipeline that brings artillery from Mexico that has been repurposed into fireworks. I'm not kidding, but I wish I was. Which takes us back to last year.
July 4, 2009. We get home, and begin calming the dogs. It's 9, then 10, then 11 PM. And the fireworks just keep going. Down the street, one street over, a beer-fueled father was setting off missiles. I don't know what else they could be called. In the center of the street is a 6 inch diameter pipe welded to a base plate. Then you set the RPG into the pipe, light the fuse, stagger away to get behind a car that is probably filled with gas, and wait. The rocket ignites, putting to shame every Cape Canaveral launch before Apollo 9. The weapon reaches 30 feet and explodes. The lights are impressive, the sound is deafening, and even more fun is the shrapnel that then falls onto the street, the cars, the houses and the dry dry hillside. It sounds like hard, hot metal rain.
How do I know? Because last year I waited until 11 PM, then walked down the street to 186 Leighton Street to ask Mr. Drunken Patriotism to pack it in. No, really, I'm that stupid.
(I'm providing the address this year because if the same thing happens this year, and I go missing, then it is up to YOU, loyal readers, to avenge me. Don't scoff!)
Last year our next door neighbor was in the last few days of her life. She was home, the hospice folks were there, and her family was sitting vigil. They were waiting for her to pass gently. And in the middle of this, we have a thousand dollars of pure pyrotechnic glory up the street. Did the neighbors complain? Nope. But I did.
In I went, cell phone in hand. I did ask nicely, I really did. The inebriated igniter laughed in my face. "This is entertainment" he bellowed. I was ignorant; it is his God given right to explode things on this special day. Well, this day as well as New Years Eve, and, oddly, Easter. An older gentleman was there too, grinning and sipping his Budweiser, and then he became very upset when I asked them to stop. I used words like "illegal", "dangerous", and, I'm pretty sure, "rude."
The older gentleman asked me, "how long have you live in this neighborhood?" I had to admit, only twelve years. "Ha! I lived here for 50!"
Oh. But, what does that mean, exactly? You have the right to blow the place up? Catch it on fire? For every decade, the right to break the law a little more? At 75 years, do you have the right to set up a meth lab? At 100, the ability to kill someone with no consequences? Sure, this is a stretch, but maybe not.
I explained that I had called the police (an empty threat, of course. 911 is pretty busy on this night, and living on this cheap side of town means a two hour delay for most calls, with many emergency calls never being answered).
In the end, no one punched me (although there were plenty of threatening gestures and lots of posturing). The fireworks continued, in complete defiance to my ill-considered request. The frequency may have increased (which works in my favor, I think, because they ran out a little sooner than they might otherwise have).
I didn't sleep a wink that night. Between soothing the dogs, waiting for the fireworks to be aimed at my house, and the inevitable (in my mind) vandalism to my house, I was jumpier than Hoover. THAT was July 4, 2009.
Bev, our neighbor, passed away on Monday, July 6th. Tuesday, I left for a road trip to Oregon, where I bought the property we now own in Astoria.
This year? I called the vet on Friday and picked up Doggy Downers for Hoover and CJ, and Rob has sworn to share his Xanax with me. I'll feel successful if I don't wind up down the street confronting the unaccountable, asking for courtesy from the disorderly.
Wish me luck. Next post: Monday July 5th. If this gets to Tuesday and no word from me, call the local Ventura PD!
And happy 4th of July. Ain't no doubt I love this land.
Seems the 'e' goes missing a little. Odd.
We'll just have to see if they can add this laptop to the school network. Seems anything past Windows 95 is suspicious, anything with all these 'bits'-- 64? too many!
But for now, the larger screen is nice, the better sound likewise. The new keyboard, though. A struggle. The O and the E are not playing along. Actually, all the vowels seem shy. Hmm.
But back to the point: My Liberal Dilemma. So, maybe it's Dilemma Sundays?
Today is July Fourth. OK, I really don't like most holidays (don't get me started on Christmas), but I used to like the 4th. In recent years, Rob and I took my mom to the fireworks in town, saw the whole town out there, enjoying the gentle weather (yay California!) and then watching the super patriotic display of the fireworks. Remember, as a Veteran, I pretty much love patriotic displays, as long as it's an 'all of us inclusive' kind of thing. That's the liberal in me coming through, though.
There is a carve out to my patriotism: the song "Proud to be an American." This could be the worst song ever. "Ain't no doubt"? Really. But I digress.
Back to the point. Last year, after the big show, we returned and began calming all three dogs. A challenge. Whoopi, 14 and pretty deaf, sails through. She generally doesn't wake up; sleeps through it all. The well earned rest of the aged.
Hoover, the young dog (four, acts like he's four months), goes predictably crazy. Shakes. Moans. Wails. Hides. Tears around the house like his tail is on fire. Then repeats all of this in three minute cycles. Sigh. CJ (about a year older than Hoovie) follows his lead.
This makes today about the worst day to be a dog. Especially in this neighborhood.
Now, I love this neighborhood- the cheap side of town, high density, low prices, great ocean breezes and even better burritos. Except tonight. It becomes fireworks central. Illegal; fire-danger providing; dog-terrifying; favorite of drunken dads, uncles and grandfathers fireworks. I guess if you drive a few miles inland there is a pipeline that brings artillery from Mexico that has been repurposed into fireworks. I'm not kidding, but I wish I was. Which takes us back to last year.
July 4, 2009. We get home, and begin calming the dogs. It's 9, then 10, then 11 PM. And the fireworks just keep going. Down the street, one street over, a beer-fueled father was setting off missiles. I don't know what else they could be called. In the center of the street is a 6 inch diameter pipe welded to a base plate. Then you set the RPG into the pipe, light the fuse, stagger away to get behind a car that is probably filled with gas, and wait. The rocket ignites, putting to shame every Cape Canaveral launch before Apollo 9. The weapon reaches 30 feet and explodes. The lights are impressive, the sound is deafening, and even more fun is the shrapnel that then falls onto the street, the cars, the houses and the dry dry hillside. It sounds like hard, hot metal rain.
How do I know? Because last year I waited until 11 PM, then walked down the street to 186 Leighton Street to ask Mr. Drunken Patriotism to pack it in. No, really, I'm that stupid.
(I'm providing the address this year because if the same thing happens this year, and I go missing, then it is up to YOU, loyal readers, to avenge me. Don't scoff!)
Last year our next door neighbor was in the last few days of her life. She was home, the hospice folks were there, and her family was sitting vigil. They were waiting for her to pass gently. And in the middle of this, we have a thousand dollars of pure pyrotechnic glory up the street. Did the neighbors complain? Nope. But I did.
In I went, cell phone in hand. I did ask nicely, I really did. The inebriated igniter laughed in my face. "This is entertainment" he bellowed. I was ignorant; it is his God given right to explode things on this special day. Well, this day as well as New Years Eve, and, oddly, Easter. An older gentleman was there too, grinning and sipping his Budweiser, and then he became very upset when I asked them to stop. I used words like "illegal", "dangerous", and, I'm pretty sure, "rude."
The older gentleman asked me, "how long have you live in this neighborhood?" I had to admit, only twelve years. "Ha! I lived here for 50!"
Oh. But, what does that mean, exactly? You have the right to blow the place up? Catch it on fire? For every decade, the right to break the law a little more? At 75 years, do you have the right to set up a meth lab? At 100, the ability to kill someone with no consequences? Sure, this is a stretch, but maybe not.
I explained that I had called the police (an empty threat, of course. 911 is pretty busy on this night, and living on this cheap side of town means a two hour delay for most calls, with many emergency calls never being answered).
In the end, no one punched me (although there were plenty of threatening gestures and lots of posturing). The fireworks continued, in complete defiance to my ill-considered request. The frequency may have increased (which works in my favor, I think, because they ran out a little sooner than they might otherwise have).
I didn't sleep a wink that night. Between soothing the dogs, waiting for the fireworks to be aimed at my house, and the inevitable (in my mind) vandalism to my house, I was jumpier than Hoover. THAT was July 4, 2009.
Bev, our neighbor, passed away on Monday, July 6th. Tuesday, I left for a road trip to Oregon, where I bought the property we now own in Astoria.
This year? I called the vet on Friday and picked up Doggy Downers for Hoover and CJ, and Rob has sworn to share his Xanax with me. I'll feel successful if I don't wind up down the street confronting the unaccountable, asking for courtesy from the disorderly.
Wish me luck. Next post: Monday July 5th. If this gets to Tuesday and no word from me, call the local Ventura PD!
And happy 4th of July. Ain't no doubt I love this land.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
To: for Tuesday, a day late
Sorry for the delay- just back from the New Mexico wedding. It was fun, but odd that our friends the devout Baptists didn't check to see that the Santa Fe Gay Pride celebration was the same weekend as their big day. Rob and I enjoyed bouncing back and forth between the two groups, but I don't think our experience was typical of the other wedding guests...
And here are the To:'s for Tuesday, from the trip.
To: proVision
From: Factory Upgraded Traveler
THANKS, proVision, for the spiffy new technology at the airport. This is the first time in three years that I didn't have to suffer the pat-down search because of my titanium knee. This is a VERY welcome change.
Of course, having to empty my pockets of EVERYTHING, and then hold my hands over my head , crossed, like I'm about to be trampled by Godzilla (or, possibly, supplication to a great power) is a little akward. And knowing the that the micro-technology that scans me and then stores my file and probably sends it up somwhere on the internet (oh, PLEASE not YouTube) showing off what a life of dissipation looks like; knowing that is a little spooky. But, like many, a few minutes saved is worth lots of embarrassment and a total forfeit of a few rights to privacy.
Now, my fear? If you do store these scans, will the system compare each scan with the new scan? Becuase frankly, if the system croaks out "getting a little wider around the belt line" or "lay off the nachos" each time I enter the scanner (designed to look a lot like a salad spinner) it might lose its charm. Especially if it scans at the start, and end, of the vacation. Spooky.
What about purchasing the scans? If I'm traqveling with my Journalism students to a conference, can I get a print out of who is carrying what? THAT might be useful. On second thought, that might provide WAY to much information.
So, thanks again for the technology and the speedy way it gets me through security.
To: Eske's Brew Pub (Taos), and Kelly's (Albuquerque) and Second Street Brew Pub (Santa Fe)
From: Better Living Through Beer
Thanks, for everything. No, two pints IS the new one pint. I swear.
To: The Two Ladies with their Four Foster Children
From: The Guys at the Other Table
LOVED getting to know you two. Thanks for proving that families come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Fostering four young boys is a challenge I can't imagine.
You have no idea how much I wanted to shoot the straw paper from MY straw, too. Maybe someday I'll grow up enough to be a kid again. When that day comes around, I'm going to enjoy myself as much as your sons. Until then, I'll be remembering them laughing and smiling and having a great time with thier moms, watching the folks from the Pride parade drifting by the big wide windows.
Thanks for giving of yourselves and doing something that I could never do. Lunch was our pleasure!
To: Michael Reynolds, of Earthship and the Greater World Community
From: Intrigued Architecture Buff
Thanks for the great experience, wandering through the Earthship just outside Taos. The building speaks for itself- WOW! Sustainable is great, but selling it through the idea of "no power bills, water bills, etc." THAT's pretty bright.
I might slap a big sticker on the whole thing that says "OK'd for the Middle Class!" or possible "you don't have to be a hippie to live here," but I digress.
Beautiful buildings, nicely presented. I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to a community that might not appreciate my leather tennis shoes, or my deep rooted need for a washing machine. But, maybe someday?
In the mean time, let's get to work on a solar clothes washer, solar dishwasher, and why not a solar AGA stove/oven? Just thinking here.
And here are the To:'s for Tuesday, from the trip.
To: proVision
From: Factory Upgraded Traveler
THANKS, proVision, for the spiffy new technology at the airport. This is the first time in three years that I didn't have to suffer the pat-down search because of my titanium knee. This is a VERY welcome change.
Of course, having to empty my pockets of EVERYTHING, and then hold my hands over my head , crossed, like I'm about to be trampled by Godzilla (or, possibly, supplication to a great power) is a little akward. And knowing the that the micro-technology that scans me and then stores my file and probably sends it up somwhere on the internet (oh, PLEASE not YouTube) showing off what a life of dissipation looks like; knowing that is a little spooky. But, like many, a few minutes saved is worth lots of embarrassment and a total forfeit of a few rights to privacy.
Now, my fear? If you do store these scans, will the system compare each scan with the new scan? Becuase frankly, if the system croaks out "getting a little wider around the belt line" or "lay off the nachos" each time I enter the scanner (designed to look a lot like a salad spinner) it might lose its charm. Especially if it scans at the start, and end, of the vacation. Spooky.
What about purchasing the scans? If I'm traqveling with my Journalism students to a conference, can I get a print out of who is carrying what? THAT might be useful. On second thought, that might provide WAY to much information.
So, thanks again for the technology and the speedy way it gets me through security.
To: Eske's Brew Pub (Taos), and Kelly's (Albuquerque) and Second Street Brew Pub (Santa Fe)
From: Better Living Through Beer
Thanks, for everything. No, two pints IS the new one pint. I swear.
To: The Two Ladies with their Four Foster Children
From: The Guys at the Other Table
LOVED getting to know you two. Thanks for proving that families come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Fostering four young boys is a challenge I can't imagine.
You have no idea how much I wanted to shoot the straw paper from MY straw, too. Maybe someday I'll grow up enough to be a kid again. When that day comes around, I'm going to enjoy myself as much as your sons. Until then, I'll be remembering them laughing and smiling and having a great time with thier moms, watching the folks from the Pride parade drifting by the big wide windows.
Thanks for giving of yourselves and doing something that I could never do. Lunch was our pleasure!
To: Michael Reynolds, of Earthship and the Greater World Community
From: Intrigued Architecture Buff
Thanks for the great experience, wandering through the Earthship just outside Taos. The building speaks for itself- WOW! Sustainable is great, but selling it through the idea of "no power bills, water bills, etc." THAT's pretty bright.
I might slap a big sticker on the whole thing that says "OK'd for the Middle Class!" or possible "you don't have to be a hippie to live here," but I digress.
Beautiful buildings, nicely presented. I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to a community that might not appreciate my leather tennis shoes, or my deep rooted need for a washing machine. But, maybe someday?
In the mean time, let's get to work on a solar clothes washer, solar dishwasher, and why not a solar AGA stove/oven? Just thinking here.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
'To' for Tuesday
Welcome to 'To' for Tuesday-
Today (and all the other Tuesdays I can manage) will be a celebration of the letters we'd like to write if only people would read them, and take the well meaning, measured advice, to heart.
I mean, really, this is well thought out stuff!
-
To: The High School Staff
From: Your Yearbook Adviser
Welcome back to school!
It's going to be a GREAT YEAR! Forget all about last year, we have 180 days (well, a few less due to furlough days) to make things great! Let's commit TODAY to working together to make this years Yearbook, the 2011 Beige and Gray, the Best Book Ever!
Here are a few gentle reminders and guidelines for you to commit to memory and comply with. Our book is only as good as our content, and you and your students are part of our content, so we all share this responsibility!
Your classes:
Today (and all the other Tuesdays I can manage) will be a celebration of the letters we'd like to write if only people would read them, and take the well meaning, measured advice, to heart.
I mean, really, this is well thought out stuff!
-
To: The High School Staff
From: Your Yearbook Adviser
Welcome back to school!
It's going to be a GREAT YEAR! Forget all about last year, we have 180 days (well, a few less due to furlough days) to make things great! Let's commit TODAY to working together to make this years Yearbook, the 2011 Beige and Gray, the Best Book Ever!
Here are a few gentle reminders and guidelines for you to commit to memory and comply with. Our book is only as good as our content, and you and your students are part of our content, so we all share this responsibility!
Your classes:
- If possible, please have interesting and engaging things happening during 4th period, the yearbook period. We frequently come into classes and the students are working away on some educational activity- BORING. We need excitement! We need color!
- FIRE is always a big hit. Foods and Chemistry classes have an advantage here, but there is no reason to not include flames/fire into a math lesson, English essay, etc. Be creative, people. Flaming jump-ropes in PE? Flambe' in French II? That's the spirit!
- Attractive students make for better images. Of course we all love all the students equally, but really, there are beauty winners and beauty losers. If possible, cluster the pretty students toward the front (a wide aperture will blur the less fortunate to a homey, homely, less shocking background)
- Candids are gold! But, let's not get crazy here. Candids can look a little, well, disgusting. Unkempt hair, authentic facial expressions, unblended eye-shadow: these may be great on National Geographic television, but not for OUR book. Remember, we have no idea which classes we will pop in to, which would make it almost impossible to prepare. So, this year, we will send out a yearbook staffer (a drone; or in the vernacular, a 'freshman') 10 minutes before we 'pop' in unannounced. Take the time to spruce up yourself and your students (not YOU, Mr. Suave, you're always a dream). Check hair, teeth, blemishes, birth-defects, unattractive health-care equipment. This is a team effort, after all.
Clubs
- Please have all of your students present every meeting. It's SO frustrating to swing by to that one meeting, on that one day, and have the club president absent for some emergency surgery. Encourage your students to stop thinking just of themselves, and think more about the yearbook. After all, which will look better in 20 years? You see my point.
- For 2011, we are 'switching it up' a little. Festive, attractive clubs have earned a double page spread each. Time management is difficult; taking the extra time to get highlights and extensions, making the extra effort for killer abs and perky pecs, suffering perpetual teeth whitening for that dazzling smile needs to be rewarded. Therefore, all clubs that just sit around raising money for the poor, the unfortunate, the ill and the unpopular will be moved to the index.
- Uniforms, Club T-shirts and spirit wear must be approved through our Director of Visuals and Apparel. Let's not repeat last year's "plaid-tastrophe"- you know who I'm talking about, Junior Statesmen.
Sports
- Maybe we'll go to playoffs, maybe not. But we can still LOOK like champs! Twenty years from now, no one will remember if we won, or lost, or were disqualified for breaking antiquated pharmacology rules. Encourage your students to attend, and cheer, for every level, every sport and every game. Striking photos include tears, shrieks, conniptions and fits. A few high-caffeine and sugar 'energy' drinks might help.
- Injuries are tragic, but visually stunning! Remember the compound fracture on the football field in 2008? Moments like that don't happen by accident. Coaches are encouraged to remove spikes from cleats, oil the gym floor for basketball and volleyball, raise those hurdles just a few millimeters higher than standard, etc. These kids are surprisingly resilient. What means more, a moment of bone-crushing, career-ending agony or being immortalized in the yearbook? Thought so.
- The cheerleaders are a surprising problem. They are just too attractive (well, almost all of them). In a nod to our multi-culturalism, I have asked the cheer coach to clad the girls in burkas. It adds a hint of mystery, and sets the bar so much lower for the dance team, the hip-hop team, and the female members of the faculty.
- The scoreboard operator has agreed to reset the boards at the end of each game to a winning score. Please have all the athletes who are still ambulatory cluster under the board, thumbs up, for the last shot of the game.
Faculty Portraits
- Contrary to the rumors, we WILL be taking the faculty portraits. However, we won't be using them. Each teacher's portrait will be substituted with the image of a soap-opera actor or actress from an obscure country (Guatemala, Ukraine, Canada, Asia, Montana). PE teachers can substitute players from the WNBA or National Soccer Leagues.
Deadlines
- This year, we hope to sweep the awards categories (see below). To accomplish this, we need to submit the book a little earlier to ensure high quality printing in the 3-D sections, adequate time to embed the Alma Mater song-microchip into the cover, and retouch all the unfortunate photos. So, we must submit the final of the book by the second week of school to Herf-walwOr-joST-TayLor (AKA HOSTL). Thus:
- Week 1: Homecoming, Senior Ball, Fall and Winter Sports, Food Faire
- Week 2: Spring Sports, Talent Show, Blood Drives I, II and III, Candids, Prom, Graduation
Distribution
- Never to early to start planning! Students who have purchased a book will be corralled in the gym. When I shoot the starter's pistol, all students will then run to the cafeteria to claim their book. To save money, we will only print half of the number of books ordered.
- Students who still have fines or fees, or unserved detentions, or parking violations, or unreturned textbooks, or costs at the cafeteria, or a dirty locker, or once parked over the line in the parking lot, or did not return a borrowed pencil, will have their yearbooks remotely detonated. This obliterates both the book and the problem.
Awards
Everyone likes to win; we strive to dominate. The yearbook is only as good as a far-away, obscure panel of judges decides it is.
Our favored categories for this year's ImplantedDefibrilator contest? Glad you asked!
- Most Text on a Page
- Still More Text on a Page
- My Goodness Thats a Lot of Text on Only One Page
- One Really Big Picture with Overprinted Text
- Photoshop Filter Faux-Pas
- Non-Sequitor Captioning
- Putting the Ew in Lewd
- Murky Lurkers in The Background
- Popular With The Judges But Sold At A Loss
- Typo Hawl of Faem
- Giddy Grids & OCD Layouts: The Straight and Narrow
- I Didn't Know Photos Came in Those Shapes
- Every Font, Every Page, Every Time
- Don't Rain on My Clip Art Parade
- Obscure Club/Sports Coverage
- Photoshopped to Phabulous
- I Can See Your Wingding
- Unflattering Angle/Lighting
- Senior Superlatives Slander-Palooza
- Whoops- Were You Eating?
- Wrestling Pictures That Don't Make Us Feel Awkward
- It's a Trend If We say It Is
- Wait! Deadline was Today? (Procrastination-Nation)
- Nightmare On Tenure Street: What Prior Review Didn't Catch
- When Stock Covers are Good Enough for Us
- Whatever: Freshmen Coverage
- Lighten Up: The Kids Who Wear Black All Day Every Day
Thanks for reading to the end!
Remember, without you, the yearbook would just be a well-run, very organized collection of signature pages with a sprinkling of internet photos and an inaccurate index.
Monday, June 21, 2010
More Monday
My wonderful sister asked a few weeks ago how the blog was going. Oh, my silence was a little painful.
So, we're back.
Summer is here, the living is easy and cosy and nice and a little caffeinated. A great mix.
The year ended well- the yearbook was a success, made $5k in a down economy (yay!) and the paper was well received, even after the sex survey debacle (waiting to hear more on that, I suppose). the kids were very happy with their product, I am very proud of them, and it all came together. Even when it seemed like it may not, it did. Amazing.
And tomorrow I start with the first of my architecture classes at the community college. Exciting.
So, that's what has happened, but here's the crux of this whole thing. My sister recommended themes for the days. She's pretty bright, that one. Writing prompts. Like, I dunno, maybe as an English teacher I could have come up with these? Maybe. Sigh.
More Mondays- what would YOU like more of? what would I like more of?
I'd like a few more days like the last day of school, and graduation. It's a GREAT day for most. Smiles all around. The students stomp their way through the ceremony, I get to photograph the whole thing and make the photos available at the school website (VenturaHS.com). So, more of that, please.
I'd like more less neck. Odd? Well, I had neck surgery in December to reduce the swelling from the exploded lymph node years back, and it seems the neck swelling it back. Not as bad, but dang. It happens, I guess, but losing weight and having a size 19 neck, well. Not so fun. So more less neck please.
I'd love more sunny and overcast days. LOVE these summer days of doing very little, fog burning off in the mornings just as the caffeine kicks in. THAT's nice.
More jobs for new teachers, if possible. It's funny, this year for the first time in a while I realize I'm just as concerned for the new teachers in our district as I am for the graduating seniors. Talking to Robbie last night, it became ever more clear that I am in a great mid-point of my teaching career. I love what has brought me here, and am looking forward to the next 15 years until I retire. Thinking of all the things I can accomplish, all the things my students will be teaching me in the coming years- it's exciting.
However (but can be such an ugly word), I realized that because I spent the first 18 years of my life being ignored, I have spent the last 18 years of my life paying attention. I had little voice, so I have made it my priority to provide a voice to the students. For years, I had to listen to them, and give them the forum to speak out. I'm thinking maybe I couldn't help it.
Times change, and we change with them. At this point for me, I have spent so much time listening and forcing others to listen to students that it has become fundamental to my life. So, while I may not support student press for the same reasons, I think I'm entering a point in my life where I support it more vehemently for better reasons. Instead of having to because of my personal history, now I want to because of the value it provides. weird.
Doing the right thing for a personal reason leads to doing the right things for the right reason. A friend's comment floats through all of this- "fake it 'til you make it.'
One of the other advisers in the district commented on how much I trust the students to make the right decision. I realized the error in that. I don't trust the students too much, but I may trust the educators too little. More thinking on that, please.
Launching an investigation into Architecture gives me a little more distance. That'll be nice. Let's see where that goes.
Well, that's a lot for a Monday!
So, we're back.
Summer is here, the living is easy and cosy and nice and a little caffeinated. A great mix.
The year ended well- the yearbook was a success, made $5k in a down economy (yay!) and the paper was well received, even after the sex survey debacle (waiting to hear more on that, I suppose). the kids were very happy with their product, I am very proud of them, and it all came together. Even when it seemed like it may not, it did. Amazing.
And tomorrow I start with the first of my architecture classes at the community college. Exciting.
So, that's what has happened, but here's the crux of this whole thing. My sister recommended themes for the days. She's pretty bright, that one. Writing prompts. Like, I dunno, maybe as an English teacher I could have come up with these? Maybe. Sigh.
More Mondays- what would YOU like more of? what would I like more of?
I'd like a few more days like the last day of school, and graduation. It's a GREAT day for most. Smiles all around. The students stomp their way through the ceremony, I get to photograph the whole thing and make the photos available at the school website (VenturaHS.com). So, more of that, please.
I'd like more less neck. Odd? Well, I had neck surgery in December to reduce the swelling from the exploded lymph node years back, and it seems the neck swelling it back. Not as bad, but dang. It happens, I guess, but losing weight and having a size 19 neck, well. Not so fun. So more less neck please.
I'd love more sunny and overcast days. LOVE these summer days of doing very little, fog burning off in the mornings just as the caffeine kicks in. THAT's nice.
More jobs for new teachers, if possible. It's funny, this year for the first time in a while I realize I'm just as concerned for the new teachers in our district as I am for the graduating seniors. Talking to Robbie last night, it became ever more clear that I am in a great mid-point of my teaching career. I love what has brought me here, and am looking forward to the next 15 years until I retire. Thinking of all the things I can accomplish, all the things my students will be teaching me in the coming years- it's exciting.
However (but can be such an ugly word), I realized that because I spent the first 18 years of my life being ignored, I have spent the last 18 years of my life paying attention. I had little voice, so I have made it my priority to provide a voice to the students. For years, I had to listen to them, and give them the forum to speak out. I'm thinking maybe I couldn't help it.
Times change, and we change with them. At this point for me, I have spent so much time listening and forcing others to listen to students that it has become fundamental to my life. So, while I may not support student press for the same reasons, I think I'm entering a point in my life where I support it more vehemently for better reasons. Instead of having to because of my personal history, now I want to because of the value it provides. weird.
Doing the right thing for a personal reason leads to doing the right things for the right reason. A friend's comment floats through all of this- "fake it 'til you make it.'
One of the other advisers in the district commented on how much I trust the students to make the right decision. I realized the error in that. I don't trust the students too much, but I may trust the educators too little. More thinking on that, please.
Launching an investigation into Architecture gives me a little more distance. That'll be nice. Let's see where that goes.
Well, that's a lot for a Monday!
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