To: for Tuesday- to the Athletic Director

To: The Athletic Director
From: Your Friendly Yearbook Adviser

re: Sports Coverage, Yearbook 2010-2011

Thanks again for all your support for the Beige and Gray last year. This year we hope to do EVEN BETTER! But, of course, we need your help again!

First, a few apologies:
1. Sorry for placing the lunch ladies in the spot for the Varsity Football team. But, to be fair, the lunch ladies win EVERY DAY, and the 'Battling Beige' Brine Shrimp didn't really set the scoreboard on fire.

2. I'll admit, "Coach Wilson: Still Sober" was a questionable headline. Earning a sobriety chip is a accomplishment, though, and one that should be celebrated! If he ever gets to the point that he earns that elusive 30 day chip, we'll be there to cover it!

3. While I still support our coverage of "Flying Stunts Dangerous To The Cheerleader Fetuses", it might have been a little too graphic.

4. I will always regret my not clarifying the word "shrinkage" when used as a caption under the boys water polo team's group photo. I really thought we were referring to the decrease in the number of players this year, and not the effects of the underheated pool. This year we hope to run with the headline "Boys Water Polo: Back and Bigger Than Ever!" Please advise.

And now for our plans for this year! Thanks for your suggestions.

I would LOVE to have a 'pop up' section for the golf team. Unfortunately, we don't HAVE a golf team. You'll remember we discovered last year that the Golf Team was just a ruse for certain students to earn PE credit. Instead of practice, they just went to Denny's for the Grand Slam and Moons Over My Hammy breakfast.

While I see your point, I don't think referring to the Tennis Team as "fruity" sets the right tone. As the GSA adviser, I think implying the entire tennis team is not straight might be asking for trouble. I'd like to point out, also, that a few non-gay men wear white shorts (but none come to mind at the moment).

Increasing the number of pages for the sports teams is a great idea. I think adding 64 pages to the yearbook for individual portraits of each varisty player may be a tad extreme.

No, we cannot "cut-and-paste" the basketball players into the Staples Center. Nor can we place the superbowl tropy into the hands of the football team. Also, "photoshopping" the students to look "mightier" is a little beyond out technical ability at this time.

It would be undoubtably popular, but a "Ladies of the Locker Room" feaure isn't something I would like to bet my teaching credential on.

Here are a few quick requests:

1. We really do need the first and last names of the students on the team. We need those names to be the official, school record names, and not nicknames. "Stinky", "Big Bird", "Felon", "The Flatulence Kid", "Mr. Bench Rider", etc. are not OK. If the coaches don't know their rosters, maybe a team manager could help?

2. Team Group Photos really are important. This year, we're launching a new program called "We'll only ask you five times!" Specifically, we would like to only have to set up the team group photo no more than five times before we actually get the photo. Our deadlines are very tight, and every deadline is "game day" for us. After the fifth try, we will either use last year's photo or an artist rendering of the team drawn by the kids in the Anime Club.

3. Using photos that a parent shot is very difficult. Generally parents only shoot images of their own player, and having a two-page spread about one player is tough to justify. So, we really DO need to be at the games and on the field.

4. We love to capture the images of the teams after the big win (which, for us, is really any win). However, tradiationally the "we are number one" hand gesture uses the first, or 'pointer' finger, and not the second finger.

5. The girls volleybal team's uniforms are tighter than ever, I think "bootiliscious ballers" might not be well received.

Thanks again for all of your work. I'm looking forward to working together this year to make the best of the Brine Shrimps athletics program!